So I got a message from one of my friends about the Vegas Golden Knights the other day. It concerned an interesting combination that was in a text conversation.
The topic? When it comes to Mario Kart, which characters do the Golden Knights use?
It's an interesting topic that the public WANTS to know. Does Brandon Saad use Luigi? Is Keegan Kolesar using Rosalina?
These are important questions that must be answered, people! Therefore, let's set some parameters. First, which game are we going off of?
Let's use Mario Kart World for our exercise. It is the latest game in the series and it's on the latest system, Nintendo Switch 2. For this, we even have an Original Misfit thrown into the mix. Let's-A Go!
1.) Adin Hill: Cow
I remember one time that I said Logan Thompson was Bowser. I didn't realize that was more on point than I thought, considering Thompson wasn't the most well-received in the Golden Knights locker room. So, what about Hill.
Well, Hill fits this bovine character perfectly. He's chill, he's a big body, and you can rely on him when the going gets tough. I feel like more people would play as Hill in a "Golden Knights Kart" game than people would care to admit.
2.) Jack Eichel: Mario
Let's face it. The title of being deemed as "Mario" should go to someone who's the leader. Originally, I said Mark Stone would fit here since, well, he's the Captain. But imagine this, dear reader.
Imagine Terry Pegula as Bowser, breathing fire and treating his players like minions. After all, they play like goombas and koopa troopas on the ice (which explains why they haven't made a playoff appearance since Osama Bin Laden was killed).
That's why Eichel fits here. He's here to save the day and win the race. Plus, that means that this particular player can be Luigi...
3.) Mitch Marner: Luigi
Luigi might've scored 75 assists and 102 points last season. However, he's the Player 2 to Eichel's Mario, carrying similar traits to the superstar center. Mitch Marner has a two-way game and an innate offensive intuition.
That's partially why I made Eichel and Marner as Mario and Luigi. Both carry similar styles like the Mario brothers and are well-rounded on the ice (also like the Mario brothers in Mario Kart).
4.) Mark Stone: Wario
People think Mark Stone is always up to no good with his LTIR shenanigans. They think he'd make like Wario and fake his injuries to give his team an advantage. So, why not give him a similar player built like him?
Granted, Stone's not fat. But he's not a lightweight, either: Stone weighs 210 lbs. Therefore, I'd imagine he'd play as Wario to anger the trolls.
5.) Tomas Hertl: Donkey Kong
Hertl, on the other hand, is bigger. He weighs 10 lbs. more and is known to leave a banana peel in the slot. It's no wonder goaltenders go bananas whenever they see the center heading towards them.
You gotta back that up in the crease, you know? It makes the goaltenders go apes**t.
6.) Pavel Dorofeyev: Dolphin
To me, Dorofeyev just screams "Dolphin." He's silent, yet he makes the most noise on the ice. The Russian winger has fluid skating akin to how the mammal drives.
Wait, how would a dolphin drive? Could they even grip a steering wheel with their fins?
7.) Alex Pietrangelo: Waluigi
Do you know what the worst part of Nicolas Hague being traded is? It's that the former Golden Knights defenseman would've been perfect as Waluigi. So the other big defenseman, i.e., Alex Pietrangelo, will have to suffice.
8.) Shea Theodore: Peach
Peach has always been a good support character, helping the Mario brothers whenever possible. That's no different in Mario Kart, where she fends off Bowser's (i.e., Terry Pegula's) minions.
I feel like Theodore fits here, especially after a 50-assist season. He plays excellent complementary hockey and specializes in setting up rebounds with his shots.
9.) Ivan Barbashev: Pauline
I feel like Barbashev is secretly a Pauline user. They both have a need for speed, after all. But can the Russian winger sing? That's the big question.
Regardless, Barbashev would feel like she completes him, which makes sense.
10.) Brayden McNabb: Daisy
It seems funny that I would use Daisy for this comp. However, if Theodore uses Peach, McNabb must use Daisy. It's a yin-yang sort of thing.
Bonus: Jonathan Marchessault: Toad
There aren't many Vegas Golden Knights--past or present--who are shorter than six feet. So, I had to go back into the vault because Marchessault reminds me of Toad.
He might be small. But he can turn it up when called upon. It's like he has a starman waiting in his back pocket.