It's no secret that the Pacific Division has been abysmal this season. Most of the teams have a negative goal differential and wouldn't be in the Eastern Conference playoff picture if their cities and states/provinces were magically moved eastward. Therefore, you can label this division as absolute arse.
Nobody likes the smell of arse, especially if it's of the unwashed variety. Yet, that's what hockey fans have envisioned the Pacific Division during the 2025-26 season. It's been bad play that has somehow kept the Vegas Golden Knights afloat, leaving them in playoff position by a miracle of God.
Speaking of repulsive and nasty, let's do more food comparisons with this paltry division. It's only fitting that we ridicule this pathetic division further in power ranking form. That way, people can have a gut-wrenching perspective of how bad the teams have been.
But I'm going to warn you: this is a NSFW list. You're going to see some gross things on here that will make you not want to eat dinner tonight. So get some pleasant images in your head while reading this so you don't have a bad appetite!
1.) Anaheim Ducks: Fat from a Disney Adult
Yeah, we're going there. Who would've thought that the Pacific Division leaders would have a goal differential (-4) as smelly as the fat off a Disney Adult's back? Not many people, which makes this puke-worthy.
2.) Edmonton Oilers: Little Caesar's Pizza
You might be excited to grab some cheap pizza on Friday night. But you later realize that the pizza is lukewarm and doesn't have much flavor. That's where the Oilers are. They have McDavid, who's a big name. But right now, they're a cheap meal.
3.) Vegas Golden Knights: Cold McDonald's
Everyone loves their fast food fresh and cooked to order. However, the Vegas Golden Knights have turned a classic into a stale product. The worst part? Those fries have hardened over time and aren't edible anymore.
4.) Los Angeles Kings: A Burger Kitchen burger
Remember Kitchen Nightmares when Gordon Ramsay went to Burger Kitchen? He had a burger that was so big and lacked seasoning, hating every bit of the burger. Ironically, that joint was in the Los Angeles area, which explains the Kings perfectly.
5.) Seattle Kraken: Stale salmon
Somehow, the Kraken defeated the Tampa Bay Lightning on Friday, thanks to the good grace of the hockey Gods. Or maybe Andrei Vasilevskiy's talents were abducted by aliens. Whatever the case, the Kraken got away with one, even if the offense is as appetizing as bad salmon from the Pike Place Market.
6.) San Jose Sharks: Onions
Sure, the team has plenty of promise and potential. However, the team is only good as a complementary part, such as being on a pizza or a burger. That's the sad life of an onion, which will make you cry in the process.
7.) Calgary Flames: Tofu
The Flames have a slimy texture that nobody dares to put their tongues and taste like arse. It's basically the same thing as tofu, where you're not getting incredible flavor. Maybe Gavin McKenna can change all that.
8.) Vancouver Canucks: Fruit cake
Seriously, does anybody love fruit cake? And no, I don't want to hear "YeAh, I dO!" You're deluding yourself. Nobody likes fruit cake the same way that nobody likes the Vancouver Canucks.