Imagine this scenario, dear reader. You're in the Olympics, representing your country and giving the local populace a boost in pride. You're on the ice for the national anthems and you're playing the United States.
Across the ice, you see Jack Eichel of Vegas Golden Knights fame. No big deal. He's a solid two-way player who made his cut this past season, scoring 94 points. It'll be fun watching him skate up and down the ice.
But next to him? There's Auston Matthews. Yes, THEE Auston Matthews. The guy who might look like Meg from Family Guy, but he still got 78 points in 67 games in 2024-25. Mind you, 33 of those were goals.
Next to him? Quinn Hughes, an incredible two-way defenseman who had 60 assists in 2024-25. His vacant expression indicates he's due for a big game. That's when you realize that they're all on the same team.
That's right, dear reader. You're going up against an Olympic-sized terror in a three-headed monster. These three players were announced as part of the preliminary players on the U.S. Hockey's Olympic roster.
That's not even mentioning who else is roaming the roster and who could be on the roster. Who else is joining the trio in Italy for some pizza and pasta? Who else is looking to win some gold and represent the "Red, White, and Blue?"
Who else is joining Jack Eichel and Quinn Hughes on the Olympic roster?
Of course, you can't have a U.S Hockey roster without the Tkachuk brothers. You're looking at Matthew Tkachuk (22 goals and 35 assists in 52 games this past season) and Brady Tkachuk (29 goals and 26 assists in 72 games) playing on the same team. Are you ready for double trouble, hockey world?
There's also Charlie McAvoy, the tenured Boston Bruins defenseman known for, well, his defense. The 27-year-old has 883 blocked shots and 908 hits in his career, making him one of the best blue liners in the game. What a "Bona Fide Stallion!"
These three players make up an impressive core of Americans who are looking for retribution after the 4-Nations Faceoff. The group is hungry to prove they're capable of being the top dogs in the hockey landscape, doing whatever it takes to silence their critics.
But, wait! If those are the first six players, who else could make the roster? Well, prepare to have your mind blown, dear reader. There are plenty of names to make life a living nightmare for other countries, including a Hart Trophy winner and a Vezina Trophy winner, all from the same guy.
Who else could make the U.S. Hockey roster?
You're looking at a solid goaltending tandem featuring Connor Hellebuyck and Jake Oettinger on the same team. Hellebuyck won the Vezina Trophy and the Hart Trophy in 2024-25, making him the fourth goaltender in the expansion era to do so.
That's not even scratching the surface, though. You're also looking at superstars like Zach Werenski (23 goals and 59 assists) and Dylan Larkin (30 goals and 40 assists), who could be on the roster. Don't forget Golden Knights star Noah Hanifin (10 goals and 29 assists) being in the mix.
All these superstars equal a threatening roster that could take over the 2026 Winter Olympics. A roster filled with star power worthy of the Star-Spangled Banner would make other teams squeamish in their skates.
Get ready for the 2026 revenge tour in Italy. It's going to be cinematic with "Free Bird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd playing in the background and Jack Eichel the boys walking out to the ice.